Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
