How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
