i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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