and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
