I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
