Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
