I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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