party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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