You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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