Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
