Your tits are I can't wait for
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
