I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
