He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
