90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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