NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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