dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
