I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
