yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
