I think my fart just growled at me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
