my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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