I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
