your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
