I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
