i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
