he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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