things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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