we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
