Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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