Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
