This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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