Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
