i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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