oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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