Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
