the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
