Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
