i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
