thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
