what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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