I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up under a house in Key West
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
