You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
