I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
