I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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