piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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