Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
