why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
