I bet he comes in French.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
