Where is the hickey?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
