just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
