quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
