I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
