You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
