If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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