Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
