It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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