Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
