I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
