If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
