Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
