he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize