I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
